


Down We Go

by truealpharoar



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon Compliant, Crushes, F/M, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Toxic Relationships, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:53:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29167599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truealpharoar/pseuds/truealpharoar
Summary: Nick has always been there for Carrie, through thick and thin. But one day, he can't do this anymore, and he breaks up with her. This is their story, from their first meeting to their final breakup. Song-fic.
Relationships: Nick/Carrie Wilson, Nick/Julie Molina (one sided)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	Down We Go

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics from the song "Down We Go" by ASHESTOANGELS

When Nick had first met Carrie, they were both only eight years old. As were Flynn and Julie - who, at the time, Carrie was still friends with. It was recess, and the three girls had decided out of the blue that they really wanted to play foursquare - the only problem was, there were only three of them. So, Carrie, ever the confident one, had been going up to random kids and asking them to join. NIck just happened to be the first one to say yes.

**And what did it mean though?**

Carrie had been a completely different person, then. Sure, they had all been young - but there were still traces of the young Julie and Flynn in their public personas, the ones that they showed to the world. And, sadly, the only ones he ever got to interact with anymore. He wondered if they had changed, internally - he knew that Carrie hadn’t. She was still the playful, caring little girl he remembered. But what did it matter, when that wasn’t what she showed to the world?

**To fall apart silently**

When the three girls had fallen apart, it had been like he was watching a car crash in slow motion. He could see what was coming, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. God, he tried. He tried so very hard. But there was only so much he could do, and it didn’t help that they had just so happened to be at that age when society tries to pull boys and girls apart because of stupid ideas that Nick had never understood.

**Petals and purity**

Carrie, before: Kind, soft, but strong. Like a strong wind that whipped through a meadow of flowers, picking up petals in its wake and creating an absolutely gorgeous sight.

Carrie, after: The wind had picked up, turned into a hurricane, and the beautiful meadow had been destroyed. The Carrie that he had befriended and come to know was gone. No flowers were left, just chaos and ruin. She was biting, cruel. Would snap at anyone and everyone, even him, sometimes. Man-made objects had been carried in on the wind, and now trash littered the once-wondrous sight.

**And only she knows**

The thing about that meadow, though: Lurking, just underneath the ground, were seeds and roots, ready to emerge out of the ground at any time. She hadn’t changed, not really. Do people ever really change? Neither of them had, she had just donned a cloak of superiority. But the seeds still remained, ready to finally return the land to its former glory at any time. But, looking at the landscape, you’d never guess.

**Tumbling overboard, sinking so calmly**

At first, Nick had tried to pick up the trash. Tried to get Carrie to return to her former self, tried to tell her that just because she had drifted from Flynn and Julie, didn’t mean she needed to change who she was. But she didn’t listen; the flowers refused to emerge from the ground, too scared to get hurt again. And so he left the meadow, stopped talking to her.

===

**And so she begs me to stay**

“Nick, please.”

Her voice was soft, scared, the day she had approached him. Reminiscent of what she had once been, of the girl he had grown to care so very much for. But, he reminded himself, she had changed. And she wasn’t going to go back.

“If you go, I have no one left.”

**It feels like I'm drowning, but I have no fear for the waves**

He couldn’t abandon her. He couldn’t, not when she was still hurting so very much. It was - it would be  _ wrong _ , to leave. Nobody else knew that she was still, deep down, the girl she had always been. It would be irresponsible to leave her.

**and down we go, down we go**

“I’ll stay.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

“Thank you.”

**This ship is sinking and I'm barely breathing**

If he was hurting, it didn’t matter. If he didn’t like who she had become, if he bristled at every callous word, every insult hurled someone’s way who didn’t deserve it, he was just being selfish. He told her he’d stay, so he’d stay. 

===

**For days, we fell**

“Nobody cares about me anymore, Nick.” The words stung. What was he? Was he nothing? But bringing that up would be selfish. He couldn’t be selfish. She was hurting. “I’m sorry. What can I do?” Carrie looked at him, her eyes lighting up the way that they always would when she got an idea. “Date me. That’s what’s missing - a girl can’t be popular without a boyfriend.” He wanted to hug her, want to tell her that she didn’t  _ need _ to be popular, that she could make friends by simply being herself. But that had never worked, and it never would. “Alright, let’s… I’ll be your boyfriend.”

**Down in the dark we found what we were missing**

Carrie had been right. When she walked through the halls, his arm in hers, he could feel eyes on the both of them. When Carrie had put up posters, announcing that she was holding try-outs for her singing/dance group, girls had lined up. After all, she was the popular girl, and Trevor Wilson’s daughter. Nobody saw the Carrie that he still could, the Carrie that he could feel was slipping away from his reach. She was sinking farther and farther into her persona, becoming more and more of the front she put on. He didn’t know how long it would be till she fully became who she pretended she was, but he didn’t have much time left.

**Our place in hell, nothing compares to the sickness and longing**

“Nick’s a sweetheart.”

He had been walking away with Carrie when he overheard Julie’s words. He felt a little swelling of joy in his chest - she remembered who he had been, when they had been kids. She remembered. He wanted to abandon Carrie right then and there, to run to the two girls and tell them how much he still cared about them, how much he missed them.

“Yeah, you’d have to actually talk to him to know that.”

The little swell of joy was quickly overwhelmed by sadness as he was soon far enough away that he couldn’t hear either of the two girls anymore. It didn’t matter if Julie remembered. Not when Flynn didn’t. She thought he had changed, and if she was still her headstrong self, there was nothing he’d be able to do to change that. It had been too long, he had missed his chance.

===

**And so she begs me to stay,**

Multiple times, over the years, he attempted to break up with her. “Carrie, I’m breaking up with you,” he’d practice over and over in the mirror. “I can’t do this anymore.” He’d say, and he’d ignore the look of sadness in her face as he would walk away. This was for the best. This would wake her up to the reality of how far she had fallen, of how her ‘rise to the top’ had actually been sinking to the bottom.

**It feels like I'm drowning but I have no fear for the waves**

But then he’d feel guilt, would see her in the halls and feel heartache in his chest. It wasn’t that he loved her, or was even really attracted to her - their relationship had been a facade, just one of Carrie’s carefully-crafted plans to bring her to the top. But he was the only one she had.

**And down we go, down we go**

“Carrie, I’m breaking up with you.” He said, for the second time in as many months. “I can’t do this anymore.” As he walked away, he heard her scoff. “Fine! I don’t need you, I have the girls!” But both of them knew that she didn’t, not really. She didn’t let them see through her facade, not like she did Nick. He was the only one who knew the real her.

**This ship is sinking and I'm barely breathing**

He was suffocating. As much as being on the lacrosse team was well, nice, it wasn’t what he wanted. It was what Carrie wanted. “If you’re on the team, it’ll boost your reputation.”  _ And thus hers, _ went unsaid but mutually understood. Every time Carrie snapped at someone, he wanted to snap back. He wanted to jump to their protection, to tell her to stop, for god’s sake. But this was a facade, she wasn’t actually mean. It hurt for her to say those things, she had told him that. She wasn’t actually mean.

**And so, she begs me to stay**

“Care, I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” He said weakly. He hadn’t practiced this time. It had been sudden. Julie had gotten stage fright, and Carrie had laughed in her face. And then invited everyone to an impromptu party at her house. “Of course you can, Nick. I believe in you.” He looked at her, trying to keep the tears out of his eyes. “Do you? Do you really? Or are you just acting, like you do with everyone else?” There was silence for a moment - she hadn’t expected him to say that. “I’m done. For good, this time.”

**It feels like I'm drowning, but I have no fear for the waves**

His teammates had been by his side. He had been on the team for too long now, he couldn’t quit. It was part of him. It wasn’t that every time he picked up his stick, it felt like a connection to Carrie. No, it was because it was the middle of the semester.

**And down we go, down we go**

He had friends on the team. Real friends, unlike what the girls were to Carrie. Real friends, people who cared about him. People he confided in, about everything but Carrie - and then, his best friend, who he did. He’d be forever thankful for that guy. And, surely, his departure had convinced Carrie to confide in Kayla, right? Right?

**This ship is sinking and I haven't seen her for days**

He avoided her. When he saw her in the hall, he acted like he had somewhere else to go. He couldn’t bear to look at her face. She was hurting, and he had been selfish to leave her - but he wasn’t going back. He couldn’t go back. He had to break the cycle. It wasn’t good for either of them.

===

**And so she begs me to stay**

Julie was kind. Julie was genuine. Julie was… amazing, incredible, fantastic, and it wasn’t because she plotted and schemed. Julie was everything Carrie was too scared to be. And when they danced together it felt like he could relax, enjoy himself. Even if he was a terrible dancer, he enjoyed himself. And yeah, maybe it felt like electricity coursing through him whenever they touched, but he was allowed to have a little bit of a crush. After so long of being in a relationship with someone he hadn’t actually felt any attraction to, he was allowed a bit of a crush.

**Feels like I'm drowning, but I have no fear for the waves**

‘A bit of a crush’ built. And built. And soon Nick couldn’t deny it any longer - he was falling head over heels for the wonder that was Julie Molina. And when they danced together, and Julie had had that dreamy look in her eyes - maybe it was possible she liked him back?

**And down we go, down we go**

And then he had asked her out. He had asked her out, and felt like a complete fool. She hadn’t been looking at him, she had been daydreaming. Of course she had - who’d like him? But he respected that. He wasn’t going to try and convince Julie to be in a relationship she clearly had no desire for. He wasn’t Carrie.

**This ship is sinking and I'm barely breathing**

It hurt. It hurt so much, his heart felt like it had been set on fire, but he’d get over it. He knew he would. It was just a matter of time. And he had been right - the intense feelings that he had did, indeed, fade. They faded, and he was happy to be a face in the crowd at her shows. Because god, was her band good! They were incredible! Something didn’t add up about the whole ‘hologram’ thing, but he had never been that good with technology anyways. He was probably mistaken.

**And so she begs me to stay**

And then she had scored the Orpheum. Julie Molina had played the  _ Orpheum _ , of all places, and he was so happy for her. The show had been amazing, too. She had gotten the visual effects even better for the holograms - that strange static that had happened when their guitarist had appeared? Yeah, that was awesome. He’d bring her flowers, he decided - purely platonic, nothing romantic about it. He just wanted to congratulate her on the incredible performance. He was a little scared that she’d think he was trying to be romantic, but hopefully she’d understand that he didn’t mean it like that. He wasn’t trying to woo her, to impress her or get her to change her mind (unlike some people might’ve, in the same situation).

**Feels like I'm drowning, but I have no fear for the waves**

He rang the doorbell, stepping back and waiting for her to open the door. He was surprised when he heard a man’s voice, turning to see a guy who looked like he had stepped straight out of a steampunk novel. That was weird, Nick  _ definitely _ hadn’t seen anyone there when he had walked up to the door. The guy said something about a ‘broken-hearted teenager fighting for his girl’ - which was irritating, firstly because that wasn’t what he was doing, secondly because he didn’t think he even knew the guy. “Do I know you?”

**And down we go, down we go**

“No, but you will.” The man had said, a bit odd, and then before Nick could react the man stepped forward, grabbing his neck, and then he felt like he was choking as a strange, thick substance forced itself into his mouth. He wanted to cough, to try to get whatever the hell it was  _ out _ , and he went to do so - except no, he didn’t. He moved, in a way that he definitely hadn’t told his body to move, uttering words that he didn’t mean to say, and his vision was on Julie.

**This ship is sinking, and I haven't seen her for days**

And then the door was opening, and Julie was standing there, and he wanted to scream, to call out to her, to tell her that something was wrong, that he wasn’t okay, that he needed her to call an ambulance or do  _ something _ \- but his body didn’t obey. It was like it had a mind of its own, now, and that’s when he heard it - the little voice in his head, the little voice that definitely wasn’t his own thoughts.  _ Hello, Nick,  _ it said, at the same time as Julie greeted him.  _ You’re going to go to sleep, now. _

**I haven't seen her for days**

And then everything was going dark, he could no longer see anything or feel anything, he was just trapped in the darkness. He wandered around, in the strange inky blackness, for some time. It felt like minutes, but when he realized he was inside of his own head and tried to wake up, he caught a momentary glimpse of the hallways of Los Feliz. Yeah, it had been more than a couple minutes.


End file.
